Thursday, December 13, 2012

The Last Call !!!

BACKHOE (Pictorial Representation) aka ME
CR – Abhi
Global consultant & Neetu – Sridhar
Dementia – My second track
Kaput – my good side


Void ab initio – deemed invalid since begining

बस आखिरी कॉल!  फिर नहीं ! It is difficult to finish a never ending conversation.  A tsunami might have hit 10 meters away, a lightning thunder must have roasted Neetu, and finally I could see CR shutting his mouth up with asphyxiation. I might have been hallucinating, though I wished for a moment it was true at least for CR; night seemed to be colder than before in Jampot and a claustrophobic feel entrenched me beneath an open sky.

My fear was staring at me; “In your face Bro!”; harder was to allay the thought of not calling her tomorrow. No more of colossal bills, no more of SMS recharge packages, would Bharti Airtel go bankrupt (the demented MBAian spoke again), even smoke rings looked like sore arses.

A pause, “tomorrow, I’m getting married “. I was taken down by shrillness of Abhi’s voice, “साले QUIZ का टाइम हो रहा है दोनों साले कहाँ @#$@# रहे हो!!“Fuck you CR, another word you utter and I would get a crane, pick you with your balls…..” for the first time I felt like a Backhoe (the mean crane machine). CR could well sense the gravity of the situation and left blabbering for some other location.

“You there?” yeah very much, but not in totality, a part me had been sucked into void.  The night seemed to grow darker, colder, emptier and blunt.  I felt this vicious week was at fault, all Indian were at fault, how whole of India can get married in November. “सबको शादी करने की पड़ी है, ##$^%^ ! शादी न हो गयी चरस हो गयी बो दो सबकी २३@#@#$” (Dementia speaks!)

The noises in background subdued, I couldn’t utter a word, she was leaving me, I recollected myself, swallowed the lump which grew heavy with each second, I said those three magical words, “all the best !”.  ( Crash ! Seriously dude, after a courtship period of 6 years all she gets to hear is “ALL THE BEST!”, and what is so magical about it.) The three words can fit in any situation (Dementia speaks!) ;   I tried, tried and tried, all I could utter were words which seemed utter sham, we exchanged few rounds of warmth, few more rounds of conversations, few more…... It lasted for an hour.

She said: “Good Bye! I’ll see you soon.” That’s it I suppose. ”What did she mean by see you soon?” I stood there in the corridor all alone staring into the void, She dropped off, why me? Why her, why us, why the fuck am I in Jampot (Dude you have paid 15 lakhs for your MBA- yours sincerely Kaput), hence this question is void ab initio.

My cologne had stopped working, all of a sudden I could feel a stubble on my face ( but I did shave this morning), my sweatshirt seemed sulky, my shoes seemed torn, In the mirror nearby I could see the other side of me smiling.

अबे बिशु दा के ढाबे चलो BACKHOE, QUIZ के तो पकोड़े लग गए, global consultant पता नहीं कहाँ loafing कर रहा है! CR was back, he smiled jovially, but it failed to elate me. We walked slowly out of the alley; CR’s chatter box was still on, all of a sudden it struck me, I had left my watch back in the library, CR promptly said अमा तो ले आते हैं, घडी ही तो है घोडा थोड़ी ना भाग जायेगी जो?”

I smiled for a moment, “she gave me that as a gift let it is. Not needed anymore.”

बिशु दा, 3 चाय और 1 सुट्टा देना

The smoke within admonished me, I smiled and said “Perhaps I will take that wrist watch tomorrow morning!!”

Giving Up !!!!

This part, right here is a void; I can’t face myself in the mirror. After initial hysteria that died, the euphoric tunes seem to have turned into cacophonous noises. All that is left a void, a chasm which I find hard to fill in.

This part right here is called GIVING UP!

I was done with my salary negotiations which didn't go as expected. I think I couldn't get my share because I was weak, I couldn't hard sell. Even an ostrich could have bargained better than me. It hurts you more when people around you were able to fetch more than you. Damn….

Then Rahul says, “Dude, it seems you got nervous” poor me, spot on, bingo, yeah you got it right Rahul, and here is your million dollar cheque. To cash it you got to sign – ARSE!
I still feel more than anything that hurts me is that I failed yet again to take a stand, the feeling is immense, dis-aggregated I feel an inertia surmounting, sucking me back to a chasm. In short I feel like crying. Meanwhile somewhere deep down, dementia speaks, “Crocodile tears don’t fetch you money. You Jackass!!!”
Yeah, it’s silly, I can’t ask god why me because I know. I’m the ONE! The only ONE! The only CHOSEN ONE – MORON DONKEY.

My room is in a mess, so is my brain – brain dead. People around are happy , they demand treats, they demand alcohol, they demand YO YO HONEY SINGH, after all I’m about to become GLOBAL LEADER. An oxymoron donkey still feels better than Global Leader – True Story.
To add to the broth, I feel cheated, I feel hell. Congrats dude for creating one damn awesome BROTHELL!!!

I don’t know which clothes to fold, which papers to put to basket, where to search for my wallet, even that damn itch guard is missing. If there was an award for philanthropy, congrats you just won an award. Best Saving caused to your company, errrrrr….. Future company.  What I always had cherished for doesn't seem lucrative enough…..

This part right here is called GIVING UP!