I had a dream....

I smell of ebullience,

I see smiles all over,

Silhoutte I bode...

Charms me to stop by,

This aura beckons me to peek through the window.....

Well, what is this place called, 

I sound rhetoric, Am I into a dream ?

What is this mystery,

Why no one in distraught,

Why no signs of despairity,

They touch me but I dont feel pain,

A bliss kissed my cheeks and went by,

This surreality hits me,

Not an inch of imperfection around,

This seems like an opulent dream.

Well then I should have woken up by then.....

yeah yeah......................

It was a dream..... Lame donkey's lame dream....

Thoughts take you places, was this foresight or my figments of imagination,
proving yet again that I'm a donkey.

P.S. inspired by the emminent poet's unforgettable poetry 

"Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high"

आज फिर घर जाने का मन है !

शायद आज, फिर घर जाने का मन है,
किवाड़ घर का  खुला होगा ,
पापा वही बैठे चाय पी रहे होंगे,
वो अशोक के पेड़ पर कोयल कुछ बोलती होगी,
नीला आकाश अभी भी स्थिर,
छत पर मेरी राह देखता होगा,

आज फिर घर जाने का मन है.

सोचता हूँ उन लम्हों को,
जब धुप सुबह अंगडाई लेते घर आ जाती थी,
वो मंदिर की घंटी कल कल की कम्पन् धुनी रामाती थी,
दूर कहीं मौलवी की अज़ान सुन जब मैं आखें मसलता उत्ठ्ता था,
टेबल लेम्प स्विच ऑन कर, पढ़ते पढ़ते सोता था.
शायद आज, फिर घर जाने का मन है,

क्या आज भी पुलिया पे रंग वही खिलते हैं,
चाय के प्याले, मंद मुस्कान और किस्से कहानियों के दौर क्या आज भी वहां चलते हैं,
बारिश की उन बूँदें क्या आज भी वहां उमड़ती हैं,
उन मीठी बातों पर क्या आज भी कोई हंसी पिरोता है,
उन फीकी गलियों में क्या आज कोई शोर भरता है....
चलो, देख आता हूँ आज, विचिलित मन आज टोह लेना चाहता है,
क्योंकि आज, फिर घर जाने का मन है . 

ये ५ कब बजेंगे !!!!

इस कांच के पिंजरे की चौदहवीं मंजिल की खिड़की से बाहर देख ,

रोज सुबह एक ख़याल दिल में आता है ,

वो छोटी सी चिडया पंख फैलाई नीले आसमान में उडती है...

पास की डेस्क पर पडा बेचैन मोबाइल रह रह कर वाइब्रेट हो रहा है ,

मिठाई की ललक से उठकर दूर की डेस्क पर जा कर लोग फीकी सी बधाई बाँट रहे हैं

कुछ मायूस उँगलियाँ , ज़िन्दगी का गम जावा कोड में दर्ज कर रहीं हैं

कुछ आउटिंग तो , कुछ बिचिंग कर बोझ कम कर रहे हैं ,

दिल में एक ख्वाइश सी जगी है , पलकें भारी और सांस थम रही हैं

और मैं कभी स्क्रीन को तो कभी टास्क बार की घडी को देखता हूँ

इंतज़ार करता हूँ , की ये ५ कब बजेंगे !

कॉफ़ी ठंडी  हो  चली , डेस्क  के  कोने  पर  सुस्त  पड़ी  है

ज़िन्दगी की फिलोसफी  कह कहों में कहीं  फ़सी  है 

दीवारों के  पोस्टर उन्माद  की  चादरों से  ढकें  है ,

पर  व्याकुल मन  डेस्कटॉप पर  पड़े फोल्डर्स छान  रहा है ,

ये रंग सारे स्थिर से  क्यूँ हो  चलें ,पता नहीं
शायद  इनको भी थोडा छलकने  का मन हो.

और मैं, कभी आसमान तो कभी टास्कबार की घडी को देखता हूँ .

सोचता हूँ , ये  ५ कब  बजेंगे !

P.S. Thanks to my dear friend. Mr Yogi. For his unending and unwanted inputs. This poetry wouldn't have been this good, had you not interfered in my thoughts. Also thanks to Balika Vadhu, without her I wouldn't have written sob sob sob..... !!!!

arrgh.. damn, no more than this.

FAKING NEWS: The Return of KAALA BANDAR

An incident in my life worth mentioning.....

DISCLAIMER: All characters in here are non-fictional in characters.....and the incident impacted their lives gravely.

Dolly : our Maid.
Chittu: Not so best roomie of mine.
Me: your very own Lame Donkey

KB: Kaala Bandar

FAKING NEWS:

Dolly mopping floors in her regular dashing style, I pushing weights around, Chittu for a change waking up early(as early as 0630 AM) and here in front of me stood a 3.5 feet long monkey. A wide eyed, two carnivorous tooth protruding out giving here a DRACULA look. Dolly as always got excited.... "Bhaiya Bhaiya Bandar !!!". yeah..yeah, I CAN SEE THAT !!!

Straight I pulled out my BAT. He charged and I ran out of the house, rescuing DOLLY (Dolly meanwhile had an expression as if saying to monkey "yes !! monkey man, I can bear you a KAALA BANDAR JUNIOR). Under Seized !!! One damn monkey has under seized our house. This monkey got balls to throw all of us out of the house.

MR. KB now opens refrigerator. charging me in between. eats eggs,......cut to DOLLY. "BHAIYA BHAIYA BANDAR, andar jaaney do.......humko". :| He's ate eggs, drank milk.....moves to kitchen...its turn for pulses. We went in.....he charges us again he takes one egg roams around like a free willy ("An egg in my hand, I feel like a MAN").... the stalemate continues..... and then all of a sudden he leaves. We barge in and I had a smile as if I had beaten arses of terrorist. (Guess I should get some kind of bravery award for the rescue.)

Kaala Bandar finally left. But he taught this lame donkey some important lessons/observations

1. Bandar's are non veggies. damn...He ate my eggs...and it hurts. (I mean the poultry farm ones)
2. Dolly mopped the floor with the same cloth with which she cleared the broken eggs. So whole of my apartment is mesmerized by fragrance of eggs.
3. This one is free from my side... Monkeys have balls as big as size of "HAAPUS MANGOES"!!!

P.S. leaving you with one of the posters which was released by our own Delhi police when Monkey Man prowled on streets of Delhi.

Ranting up at midnight

I have been tired of these intermittent write ups. Trust me, nothing frustrates more than being intermittent in something you really want to pursue religiously. A prolonged  break, perhaps from everything I love (:|). So what was I up to in last few months, well I'm sure none of you would be interested in spilling out what a lame donkey does, when more importantly Mr. Rahul is getting wooed by 15 brightest and perfect brides of India. When balika vadhu is putting on ounces of fat (read overfed) during those strenuous workout sessions... oops I meant shootouts, when some prominent news channels show the wry smile on Mr. Rathore's face even pestering it to an extent of preservation, when chota family pack bachaan is trying hard to become the next superhero Mr. Bingo, and when Mr Veer wearing those peach coloured jeans in 18th century is shown pulling out balls of  atrocious Britishers weighing 5 kg each. (read "5 ser gosht"), When skimpily covered cleavages, forgettable,adorably sweet women try their luck being DESI.
The DONKEY can be easily forgotten amidst all the spice that surrounds us today.
Still this donkey opines, that the world will be a better place if asses like me rant over at a consistent pace. This time its the media which has caught my attention. And this logically explains the gaudy premise I had set up above earlier. I'm intrigued by the behaviour of weird channels presenting us with as weird soaps and undies, spicy news right from cataclysmic results of big bang experimentation with repercussions felt worldwide such as "TABAAHI.

The donkey within me is intrigued about the way our current media perceives things around.  I'm parched  from some good news or is there any ?

What's the difference ?

DISCLAIMER: Before reading on, ONE plain thing, My thoughts are purely based upon my perception of the world around. I'm not a psychologist, counseller or an acclaimed philospher. As, promised, its some lame GYAAN, straight from lame donkey's world.
WARNING: A LONG POST !!!

What makes us different ? what makes us different in characters, articulation, a few offbeat from others, few ambivalent, giving us colours ranging from white to grey ? What makes the same set of people respond all together with ineptitude, fear, happiness yet differ in abilities and success. Why intelligence is never matched with success. Why some business go down while few rise to success?

Hold on to these thoughts, I'll come back to them in a while. It has intrigued me a lot, when I see best of breed brains biting the dust, and simultaneously watching a few,  average ones, climbing up the success ladder. I'm in no mood to generalise turn of events and neither I want to demean the mediocrity (I belong to the same class). Though, I felt there was enough on my mind to create a new post.

I might sound rhetoric, but eversince my chilhood I saw myself, making those maxima minima curves and differential always coming down to a damned '0'.Frome whatever I recollect my life was that of a meiocre who could pass on the subjects but never knew how to score as my counterparts did. I was confused, afraid and always wondered how these damned guys conquered forts and pillars, which I couldn't. My plethora doesn't end here, My teenage blues continuesd without any respite, college days got even worse, watching my best buddies scaling new heights, whereas my scoresheets the same  leading the way to become "A LAME DONKEY". Few thought I was talented, Inquisitve was I, which talent were they refering too. The question that stood by n large that time. How to make oneself intelligent? I guess the enigma still remains the same, though the question got tweaked: How to be successful? and then came another one. how do you measure success ? so to its entirety, in managerial terms the "BIGGER PICTURE" is what makes ones successful and if you are one how do one gauge wheteher one is successful.

What I percieve is success can't be measured, It comes to you for whatever you set forth ahead. As I said in my earlier post  success depends on "YOUR DREAM". It can be anything from becoming a chai walla who leads on to become a millionaire to representing your country on field for twenty years and still cherishing each day living it. I managed to survive my sophomore, adolesence and managed to get a job in an MNC earning a decent salary. "MY DREAM", NO....NO.... NO....NO....NEVER.... To be honest I had a dream of making big like all others, I dreamt of earning a good salary like all others, I wanted to have girl of my dreams like all humans do, landing into a decent job and perhaps a very few items that remain on the checklist such as , getting a new car, a club membership, a dream holiday on a foreign land, and marrying my dream woman. So am I really happy, thats a million dollar question ? I still don't have an answer to all these, but what I do know, these are the same dreams that a normal middle class human dreams off. All through out these years I saw many of these best of brains falling apart, not quite making into the big league, and many a ones flew by  like a rocket but burst out without a fuss, whereas many who silently rode to the path of glory. I must admit here that this can't be true for all bright spots around yet, I percieve most of them collapsed somewhere in mundane activities surrounding ourseleves without even realising it(More on it later). Also how far you go is defined by how well you envisage your ultima. How well conjured are your thoughts. Abstract it may sound but somewhere we all dreamt of making it big into the elitest of elite, still most of us failed (I'm sorting this for myself too).
RULE NO. 1: Dream Big if you want to make it big, which might not be different from others, but has a different perception.

"Distinction is the consequence, never the object of a great mind"

                                                              Washington allston

Moving on, the distinction clearly lies in the attitude which we all find hard to sustain, the problem starts when big fat dreams are blocked, strooled into a deep chasm and lid closed for ever. We all go through this phase. The instant when this happens is when are dreams get a reality check. Few improvise, few still want to be in the surreal world. Now improvisation , is the caveat, the erosion takes palces at this moment when we all find it hard to cope with societal norms, get a job, marry your girl, money.... Its ubiquitous. Alas, unknowningly we have packed our chimera nicely, and kept it in our store house to open it up later. A phase i perceive where our identities start dimnishing, what was a proud baton for us once has now been turned into a rag. We start making compromises to ourselves, to our destiny.  the point I try to make here is not of earning you bread and butter, but of consiging to an oblivion. Precariously we all let our imagination erode ourselves.
 "There are certain inevitabilites............You'll grow older, you will be forced to compromisein ways you never imagined"

-Amartya Sen

Alas, few more have bitten the dust. If you survive, congrats, you move onto next phase.

Dedicated to my DAD

Because you were there.......
I do remember, when I was a kid, standing in those lonesome premises,
You came from nowhere, and treated me with those icy orange sticks,
When you took me out for those breezy walks,
When you inhibited my fears from ghosts and nightmares,
When I cried the whole night and you held me in those arms,
It’s still all afresh; it’s still all grey,
When you helped me climb that bicycle,
When I twisted my wrist and you gave me a bear hug.
I still remember, those wary nights, when I clasped you hard and you comforted me with love and warmth.
You stood by me, when I failed; you remained awake all night near that hospital bed.
You gave me money veiling it from mom; you became my best friend when we played in the dorm.
You taught me to stand by myself; you enunciated in that broken English to guide me through.
Those weird math classes when you beat me black and blue, But I still owe a billion thanks to you,
I remember,
My apprehensions, my skepticism, flew by when you were around.
Your smile soothed my injuries; I flocked around and flourished in your sunshine.
In the morning, when you brought me tea, and you prepared my uniform to set me free.
You got me quill, you mentored dreams, you taught me its not impossible as the world seems….
I owe you my life, I owe you my dreams, I owe you my story,
Perhaps this world of mine would not have been so opulent, had you not there been…….
Thanks Dad, for being there.

Any man can be a father. It takes someone special to be a dad.
- Anonymous

Rediscovering Myself !!!

"Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different."
- Bill Waterson (creator Calvin and Hobbes)

Indeed agreeing in tandem to the weird epiphany sighted above, that seems to continue to the eternity.
I don’t want to sound nostalgic, but perhaps the it’s ubiquitous to find everyone around having a trip down the memory lane, smiling back on those sweet sour memoirs, some beautiful, elegant, some notoriously high, overshadowed , poignant and considerably coming in all kind of colours and flavours. Woah………. And you wish not to come back out of those times.

Our ideas mutate with time. Yes, I reiterate "mutate", a fact we as human beings would seldom realise. Trying to cocoon ourselves in comfort and soundness of societal norms which bind at least ourselves. Perhaps that’s what we should do, right?

Rhetoric I may sound, but isn't it the way we have dwelled ourselves all through the journey, what we call 'life' ? Isn't it what we have always done……? Just by simply turning a blind eye to a fight on street, passing by without even listening to the plight of the destitue, not even once standing for a cause that might help someone in need, and I can sight another hundred examples which prove the whole situation as a mere farce created by us to cocoon ourselves from ravages of life.

Certainly nothing seems to change but its generic the viewpoint of us which changes the contour all around. What we had perceived once has changed and perhaps dying a slow death, an euthanasia given by the homo sapients to their dreams which they thought would would change if not the world a particular section of the society. Alas, I being their latest victim.

The reveries that once was a part of my day to day activity, certainly has lost its heat when the apt time came in to realise them.
If not at the epitome of success, I still find myself in comforter of a good job, a good salary, and certainly I cannot complaint on the front what my good education has given to me; And certainly that’s what I was supposed to do, isn't it ?
In literal terms, I nearly botched up my aspirations, gave them a reason to procrastinate and flush out ideas which I could have pursued long ago. Its common to lose out streak of what we have been doing, and justify it by saying why complicate matters when all I've done till now reaps me benefits walking straight. So, really having a different perception complicating matters ? Yes, I agree it does complicate the whole aura of my life, an amenable thought that zeal's me in an out is; have I done things which could have lead to chasing my aspirations? Yes I have but still, (a room for butt) I find myself too distracted to really pull myself out of the mundane activities I do and complete what once I thought would revolutionize, if not the whole world, at least a section of downtrodden. What if I could have performed a rock show somewhere around the campus and formed my own band. What if I could have authored a book, become an entrepreneur, directed a movie ;), a photographer, part of dramatics and the checklist seems endless. The answer to all these is too plebeian and hypothetical to write, It’s a big 'no' because I never even tried doing any of these. Most of us don't, lets say even confer to what they have lost. I perceive them as zombies flocking in faithless communities of societal (read suicidal) science.
"There mind proliferated with someone else's ideas, their souls auctioned long ago and ideas someone else' property……" notably said by Amartya Sen.
Its enervating yet it’s a prerogative to put in efforts for what you have envisioned long ago, find yourself chasing them up, living for your aspirations, creating what none might have done, and perhaps changing the world around as what you have perceived, and envisaging something you once hope would bring about change. Its challenging, but isn't it what once we thought life is all about, living those challenges every day rather than incarcerating one self in faithless things around ?
That’s a question you should ask yourself. A never-ending quest, that changes the course of life that contains nothing surreal but your dreams once you envisaged with your eyes opened and vowed to realise them.
"You got a dream. You got to protect it. People can't do something themselves, they want to tell you can't do it. If you want something, go get it. Period."

P.S: Yes, and as far as I'm concerned, this part of my life is called "Rediscovering myself !!!". Happy reading

An endless wait !!!!!

I love you with all my heart and soul, it’s an epiphany that comes around,
so near then suddenly walks out that door.
It realizes me what you (me) can loose dear, if that you walked out of my life.
I swear here, my beautiful nymph,
I wont leave you at any point off time,
Will lift you up from agony and angst,
will wipe your tears and keep them as pearls,
on an only condition, be my wife,
trust me I wont leave you in lurch,
will obey you like slave,
will fulfill your dreams and lighten up your caves.
Promise you, you my angel you would never shred a drop of tear.
I will create a utopia with absence of fears.
Anything for you, i will cut my life,
lie down in those rough paths and do whatever you want.
This cadence i wrote not to impress but to show how much I love you,
though these words won’t find their meaning until you say that blissful 'yes'.
For the matter of my existence, it is important,
that you be ‘mine’, though this world waits for you.
All I can say I will wait forever.

A Free Soul

my words have turned cliche,
still every verse I speak is true,
pain seems abated......,
thoughts got cremated,
hollow minds and shallow hearts........
I bid ADIEU.
I start afresh my path seems bright.....
I got my wings back, nothing for me to slack,
(I thought “I have every star in sight”, whatever)
I wanna fly high, wanna touch these sky's
Hold on you tears.......I refute your propsition to cry,
couldn't hold myself anymore,
a blissful thought just now touched my core....
here i bid goodbye,
farewell to all the chores..dont wait for me, i might now turn upon the शोर

and one food for thought
the ability to reason overpowers every disability
-Abhineet

Perfect Room

Tableaux I see from those old panes,
A painting forlorn and forgotten on that stained wall,
Embellished portico with wind chimes all around,
Few frames on that dust laded table,
Carrying snaps from my childhood to adolescence,
Some notes still incomplete with those ink stains.
Those papers that once were snowy have grown yellow.
It seems that coffer was never used; still it bemuses of what it stores,
Those charismatic carving it adorns.
The carpet still feels the same,
Warm and cozy beneath the feet,
That wrought iron bed untouched as ever,
That mauve colored lamp lies all aloof,
It’s a perfect cascade, a perfect ‘leit motif’
It’s perfect as it was to be,
For everything except me fits in; for everything I ever kept cherishes its tranquillity.
A vicissitude, came and gone.
A transition that was inevitable.
Still this cell seems pristine, I can still smell paint brush colours,
I can still see those flourishing climbers.
Still this cell smells of compassion and ebullience.
Still this smells of love and hope.
It’s on an edge of oblivion,
I’m back again from an eidetic experience.............I left long ago,
I missed you all under those predicament,
With spatial existence........here I stand,
Back again within a perfect room,
I have returned here after a voyage unexplored,
To enunciate my story, across the globe,
I’m back again from an eidetic experience.............I left long ago,
Back again to a perfect room,