The pursuit of completion !!!

After years of volatility around my lame thoughts there is something significant I figured out of myself. 

I have ADD. Before you could jump onto ridiculous conclusions....(what the f#$%?). Its.......

ADD stands for Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder . A kind of condition which magnifies my lameness, leveraging it 4 times. Leaving aside the in depth analysis of what actually could go wrong, I spill out the main crux. 

Under ADD a lazy bum suffers from ....

a.  hyperactivity (in contrast to what a lame ass I am.)

b.  the co-existence of attentional problems

I still remember how our biology teacher instructing us on dissecting a cockroach, talks about separating exoskeleton from the damn abdomen. Little did I know the abdomen was that of a a cockroach and not mine. The rest they say is history..... I left biology in class 10th. (No looking back!)

Forgetting a song in midst of stage performance because my eyes caught attention of a cute looking girl. (She's is my wife now (GRINS....)), and writing a thought within a thought making thought a mess... Priceless !

The incoherence, I reach at times is a feat too trivial. My thoughts too convoluted as our Didi's Rail budget speech, my dreams as messy as plot in UTRAN (Kya hoti Utran.... Please tell me...! ), my words as retarded as the dialogues of movie Maqsad (a 1984 classic starring Rajesh Khanna, Jitendra, the movie had double meaning dialogues for no reason).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8bcXSYm_t0

Amidst the pallu scoops and palti hits doing rounds in my cerebrum, my hyperactivity still seems a misnomer if you look at my face. 

I can't recall when all this started, but I recognized ADD when I had trouble switching over channels to watch Jhatka with Zor and Dadagiri (I was wipedout). Attention problems were quite evident. There is nothing exciting than watching girls chewing pan and spitting on boys and bimbos and babas splashing waters around. I just couldn't stop hopping from one channel to other.

Now I get it, a Donkey with a difference. Whoa,  I changed the GAME.

Why did Anil Kapoor shave his chest ? Honestly, I don't have an answer to that. Ranting in midnight, you can't expect me to answer such bouncers.What I do know is why Sehwag tries to dance on "upar se aane ka, neeche dabaane ka......" .He was learning UPAR CUT.

The quest to have dosage of tranquility still remains.... The law of coexistence says "you can't choose both A and B, where A and B can be any of the tangible/intangible assets". 

For me A and B still create trouble. From classics like Gunda to Loha, choosing Piyush Chawala over Ravindra Jadeja (has Jadeja got his name changed ? I think so), Five point someone over one night at call center. Well..... (yawn)..

I feel sleepy... enough to keep my pseudo readers busy.

Ahh yes.... the stage performance ended pretty good as the other singer started from where I left and I still can't bring this post to a logical end. 

Carpe diem

What's the difference ?

DISCLAIMER: Before reading on, ONE plain thing, My thoughts are purely based upon my perception of the world around. I'm not a psychologist, counseller or an acclaimed philospher. As, promised, its some lame GYAAN, straight from lame donkey's world.
WARNING: A LONG POST !!!

What makes us different ? what makes us different in characters, articulation, a few offbeat from others, few ambivalent, giving us colours ranging from white to grey ? What makes the same set of people respond all together with ineptitude, fear, happiness yet differ in abilities and success. Why intelligence is never matched with success. Why some business go down while few rise to success?

Hold on to these thoughts, I'll come back to them in a while. It has intrigued me a lot, when I see best of breed brains biting the dust, and simultaneously watching a few,  average ones, climbing up the success ladder. I'm in no mood to generalise turn of events and neither I want to demean the mediocrity (I belong to the same class). Though, I felt there was enough on my mind to create a new post.

I might sound rhetoric, but eversince my chilhood I saw myself, making those maxima minima curves and differential always coming down to a damned '0'.Frome whatever I recollect my life was that of a meiocre who could pass on the subjects but never knew how to score as my counterparts did. I was confused, afraid and always wondered how these damned guys conquered forts and pillars, which I couldn't. My plethora doesn't end here, My teenage blues continuesd without any respite, college days got even worse, watching my best buddies scaling new heights, whereas my scoresheets the same  leading the way to become "A LAME DONKEY". Few thought I was talented, Inquisitve was I, which talent were they refering too. The question that stood by n large that time. How to make oneself intelligent? I guess the enigma still remains the same, though the question got tweaked: How to be successful? and then came another one. how do you measure success ? so to its entirety, in managerial terms the "BIGGER PICTURE" is what makes ones successful and if you are one how do one gauge wheteher one is successful.

What I percieve is success can't be measured, It comes to you for whatever you set forth ahead. As I said in my earlier post  success depends on "YOUR DREAM". It can be anything from becoming a chai walla who leads on to become a millionaire to representing your country on field for twenty years and still cherishing each day living it. I managed to survive my sophomore, adolesence and managed to get a job in an MNC earning a decent salary. "MY DREAM", NO....NO.... NO....NO....NEVER.... To be honest I had a dream of making big like all others, I dreamt of earning a good salary like all others, I wanted to have girl of my dreams like all humans do, landing into a decent job and perhaps a very few items that remain on the checklist such as , getting a new car, a club membership, a dream holiday on a foreign land, and marrying my dream woman. So am I really happy, thats a million dollar question ? I still don't have an answer to all these, but what I do know, these are the same dreams that a normal middle class human dreams off. All through out these years I saw many of these best of brains falling apart, not quite making into the big league, and many a ones flew by  like a rocket but burst out without a fuss, whereas many who silently rode to the path of glory. I must admit here that this can't be true for all bright spots around yet, I percieve most of them collapsed somewhere in mundane activities surrounding ourseleves without even realising it(More on it later). Also how far you go is defined by how well you envisage your ultima. How well conjured are your thoughts. Abstract it may sound but somewhere we all dreamt of making it big into the elitest of elite, still most of us failed (I'm sorting this for myself too).
RULE NO. 1: Dream Big if you want to make it big, which might not be different from others, but has a different perception.

"Distinction is the consequence, never the object of a great mind"

                                                              Washington allston

Moving on, the distinction clearly lies in the attitude which we all find hard to sustain, the problem starts when big fat dreams are blocked, strooled into a deep chasm and lid closed for ever. We all go through this phase. The instant when this happens is when are dreams get a reality check. Few improvise, few still want to be in the surreal world. Now improvisation , is the caveat, the erosion takes palces at this moment when we all find it hard to cope with societal norms, get a job, marry your girl, money.... Its ubiquitous. Alas, unknowningly we have packed our chimera nicely, and kept it in our store house to open it up later. A phase i perceive where our identities start dimnishing, what was a proud baton for us once has now been turned into a rag. We start making compromises to ourselves, to our destiny.  the point I try to make here is not of earning you bread and butter, but of consiging to an oblivion. Precariously we all let our imagination erode ourselves.
 "There are certain inevitabilites............You'll grow older, you will be forced to compromisein ways you never imagined"

-Amartya Sen

Alas, few more have bitten the dust. If you survive, congrats, you move onto next phase.

Rediscovering Myself !!!

"Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different."
- Bill Waterson (creator Calvin and Hobbes)

Indeed agreeing in tandem to the weird epiphany sighted above, that seems to continue to the eternity.
I don’t want to sound nostalgic, but perhaps the it’s ubiquitous to find everyone around having a trip down the memory lane, smiling back on those sweet sour memoirs, some beautiful, elegant, some notoriously high, overshadowed , poignant and considerably coming in all kind of colours and flavours. Woah………. And you wish not to come back out of those times.

Our ideas mutate with time. Yes, I reiterate "mutate", a fact we as human beings would seldom realise. Trying to cocoon ourselves in comfort and soundness of societal norms which bind at least ourselves. Perhaps that’s what we should do, right?

Rhetoric I may sound, but isn't it the way we have dwelled ourselves all through the journey, what we call 'life' ? Isn't it what we have always done……? Just by simply turning a blind eye to a fight on street, passing by without even listening to the plight of the destitue, not even once standing for a cause that might help someone in need, and I can sight another hundred examples which prove the whole situation as a mere farce created by us to cocoon ourselves from ravages of life.

Certainly nothing seems to change but its generic the viewpoint of us which changes the contour all around. What we had perceived once has changed and perhaps dying a slow death, an euthanasia given by the homo sapients to their dreams which they thought would would change if not the world a particular section of the society. Alas, I being their latest victim.

The reveries that once was a part of my day to day activity, certainly has lost its heat when the apt time came in to realise them.
If not at the epitome of success, I still find myself in comforter of a good job, a good salary, and certainly I cannot complaint on the front what my good education has given to me; And certainly that’s what I was supposed to do, isn't it ?
In literal terms, I nearly botched up my aspirations, gave them a reason to procrastinate and flush out ideas which I could have pursued long ago. Its common to lose out streak of what we have been doing, and justify it by saying why complicate matters when all I've done till now reaps me benefits walking straight. So, really having a different perception complicating matters ? Yes, I agree it does complicate the whole aura of my life, an amenable thought that zeal's me in an out is; have I done things which could have lead to chasing my aspirations? Yes I have but still, (a room for butt) I find myself too distracted to really pull myself out of the mundane activities I do and complete what once I thought would revolutionize, if not the whole world, at least a section of downtrodden. What if I could have performed a rock show somewhere around the campus and formed my own band. What if I could have authored a book, become an entrepreneur, directed a movie ;), a photographer, part of dramatics and the checklist seems endless. The answer to all these is too plebeian and hypothetical to write, It’s a big 'no' because I never even tried doing any of these. Most of us don't, lets say even confer to what they have lost. I perceive them as zombies flocking in faithless communities of societal (read suicidal) science.
"There mind proliferated with someone else's ideas, their souls auctioned long ago and ideas someone else' property……" notably said by Amartya Sen.
Its enervating yet it’s a prerogative to put in efforts for what you have envisioned long ago, find yourself chasing them up, living for your aspirations, creating what none might have done, and perhaps changing the world around as what you have perceived, and envisaging something you once hope would bring about change. Its challenging, but isn't it what once we thought life is all about, living those challenges every day rather than incarcerating one self in faithless things around ?
That’s a question you should ask yourself. A never-ending quest, that changes the course of life that contains nothing surreal but your dreams once you envisaged with your eyes opened and vowed to realise them.
"You got a dream. You got to protect it. People can't do something themselves, they want to tell you can't do it. If you want something, go get it. Period."

P.S: Yes, and as far as I'm concerned, this part of my life is called "Rediscovering myself !!!". Happy reading

Perfect Room

Tableaux I see from those old panes,
A painting forlorn and forgotten on that stained wall,
Embellished portico with wind chimes all around,
Few frames on that dust laded table,
Carrying snaps from my childhood to adolescence,
Some notes still incomplete with those ink stains.
Those papers that once were snowy have grown yellow.
It seems that coffer was never used; still it bemuses of what it stores,
Those charismatic carving it adorns.
The carpet still feels the same,
Warm and cozy beneath the feet,
That wrought iron bed untouched as ever,
That mauve colored lamp lies all aloof,
It’s a perfect cascade, a perfect ‘leit motif’
It’s perfect as it was to be,
For everything except me fits in; for everything I ever kept cherishes its tranquillity.
A vicissitude, came and gone.
A transition that was inevitable.
Still this cell seems pristine, I can still smell paint brush colours,
I can still see those flourishing climbers.
Still this cell smells of compassion and ebullience.
Still this smells of love and hope.
It’s on an edge of oblivion,
I’m back again from an eidetic experience.............I left long ago,
I missed you all under those predicament,
With spatial existence........here I stand,
Back again within a perfect room,
I have returned here after a voyage unexplored,
To enunciate my story, across the globe,
I’m back again from an eidetic experience.............I left long ago,
Back again to a perfect room,